MARKET FLOOR ACCESS // VISITOR 001
MEET STONKY.
The doors are about to open. Your broker manager is already at his desk. Try not to touch anything red.
PRESS BUTTON TO CLOCK IN • SUIT OPTIONAL • COFFEE RECOMMENDED
STONKY DESK OPEN ▲COFFEE +100%PATIENCE ACCUMULATINGFOMO REJECTEDGOOD DOG INDEX +4.20%BAD TRADES -69%STONKY DESK OPEN ▲COFFEE +100%PATIENCE ACCUMULATINGFOMO REJECTEDGOOD DOG INDEX +4.20%BAD TRADES -69%
YOUR BROKER MANAGER HAS ARRIVED

THIS ISSTONKY.

He trades stocks. He drinks coffee. He stares at charts until the charts get uncomfortable.

FOLLOW STONKY ↓OPEN X ↗
VERY QUALIFIED*
“You’re late. Market opened 14 coffees ago.”
Stonky the dog broker manager
01
FLOOR 01 // ORIENTATION

HOW STONKY WORKS.

No magic. No secret room. Just one dog, too many screens, and an unhealthy respect for the opening bell.

09:29

He watches.

Before the bell, Stonky scans the floor. Headlines, charts, volume, panic, confidence, panic disguised as confidence.

👀
09:30

He waits.

Everyone runs. Stonky sits. The first move is often loud. The second one usually tells the story.

☕
09:47

Then he clicks.

One paw on the mouse. One eye on the chart. The other eye is… doing something else.

↗
Stonky portrait
EMPLOYEE INTRODUCTION // STONKY

YOUR MANAGER.
UNFORTUNATELY.

“Rule one: never chase a candle just because it is green.”
“Rule two: if you ignored rule one, don’t look at me.”
“Rule three: lunch is at market close.”
Stonky working on a busy stock market trading floor
FLOOR 02 // THE PIT

NOW YOU SEE HIS WORLD.

Phones ringing. Screens flashing. Dogs shouting. Somewhere in the middle of it all, Stonky is deciding whether that candle is actually bullish or just trying to ruin his afternoon.

STONKY'S DESK RULES

FOUR THINGS ON THE WALL.

01

Look first.
Click later.

02

Green candles do not love you.

03

A red day is still a work day.

04

Never let the interns touch the leverage.

FLOOR 03 // HR ARCHIVES

STONKY'S PERFORMANCE REVIEW.

HR asked for evidence of “professional development.” We found these instead.

Stonky meme collection
MONDAY: ANALYSTTUESDAY: BAGHOLDERWEDNESDAY: ASTRONAUTTHURSDAY: “LONG TERM INVESTOR”
09:29:58 booting STONKY_TERMINAL.exe
09:29:59 coffee_level ........ OPTIMAL
09:30:00 market .............. OPEN
09:30:02 scanning noise ....... 98.7%
09:31:13 chasing green candle . DENIED
09:35:42 patience ............. LOADING
09:42:09 found setup .......... MAYBE
09:42:10 emotional status ..... dog

> waiting for next candle
INTERACTIVE TRAINING MODULE

WHAT WOULD STONKY DO?

A giant green candle appears. The entire office starts screaming. Choose Stonky's response.

CLOCK OUT // 16:00

THE MARKET CLOSES.
STONKY DOESN'T.

Tomorrow there will be another bell, another chart, and another suspiciously confident dog in a blue tie.

FOLLOW STONKY ON X ↗